I shouldn’t get my hopes up. If my expectations are dashed, I won’t be able to recover. I can’t even ask him out. If he rejects me, I won’t be able to bounce back. Yet, this person, without any ill intentions or ulterior motives, keeps making my dry, desert-like heart see the illusion of an oasis.
"The station is just around the corner, right?"
"The road is dark."
"Okay, will you lock up with me as well? Do you have enough time?"
"Yeah, I’m fine."
When we left the break room and turned off the lights, the hallway was already dark, and only the vending machine lights were on, making it eerie.
"It kind of feels like an escape room."
As soon as he said that, there was a sound from deep in the dark hallway, and I couldn’t help but let out a small scream.
I think it’s a problem that I can’t scream cutely. But at nearly 170 cm tall, even if I said 'kya,' it wouldn’t sound right.
"So, even you, Mine-san, have things you’re afraid of?"
"What do you mean by that?"
When I glared at him, he smiled with his usual relaxed face, his voice a little teasing.
"You don’t like horror?"
"I don’t enjoy watching them."
I started walking toward the elevator first.
However, the elevator had already been turned off. Reluctantly, we decided to climb the five flights of stairs. I stopped to rest halfway because I was wearing heels, but he wasn’t even out of breath.
"Do you work out or something?"
"Not really... I guess it’s because I walk around outside so much. Those shoes are tough, huh?"
"I’m used to it. But sometimes, in the evening, my feet swell up and hurt."
I began climbing the stairs again. He was slowly following behind me.
"I might have a thing for the calves of people wearing heels."
I thought to myself, what on earth is he saying now?
When I turned around and glared at him, he looked completely serious. I had expected him to be smiling teasingly.
"You must have parts you like, too, Mine-san."
"I don’t have any."
"Then, why do you stare at me when I’m drinking something?"
He had noticed.
"…Because your Adam’s apple catches my eye."
"In that case, it’s the same."
"Staring at someone’s legs that way is perverted. You’ll be caught."
"It’s because your calves are beautifully shaped and curved, Mine-san."
He gazed at me with no sign of guilt, his eyes moving from my heel to the back of my knee, and then further up.
The increased heart rate was due to climbing the stairs. The aching deep within my body was probably... because of my genes.
That's what you call voyeurism, idiot.
I let out a sigh.
"That's sexual harassment."
"I'm sorry."
He said it in a meek tone but followed with, 'I think staring at someone's Adam's apple is also a bit erotic.'
There's no doubt I'm feeling sexual attraction. After all, there aren't many parts of a man's body where you can see gender differences—maybe the width of his back, the thickness of his palms, or the size of his nails.
"Hmm..."
I just brushed it off casually.
Why do I feel sexually attracted to this strange man?
I want to keep listening to his gentle voice. I want to look into the depths of his eyes the moment his smile fades.
The faint scent of sweat is making my body come alive.
It’s not a love that’s like sweet, pretty, candy-colored dreams of a young girl. Even before those feelings, my body already craved him.
I’m such a dirty woman.
I couldn’t bear the thought of him knowing that I’m controlled by animalistic desires and impulses every day. That’s why I won’t say it. I can’t say it.
As we reached the intended floor, he briefly looked at my side profile.
"Are you angry?"
"Not really. If you want to look, feel free. But it’s limited to my legs."
"Then let me have a proper look later."
I looked up at him, my eyes wide. He stared back with a look that I couldn’t decipher.
Is he inviting me, or just teasing me?
"Do you even know what you’re saying?"
"I think I do, yeah."
"How are you going to take a proper look?"
"Shouldn’t we lock up first?"
Still feeling uneasy, I went around checking the windows and cabinets in the office to make sure they were locked.
There’s probably no deep meaning behind it. He’s probably forgotten that it’s Christmas Eve. He’s good-looking, sociable, and doesn’t act with any hidden intentions toward women (except me), so it’s no surprise he’s popular.
Despite all of that, he’s so difficult to read that, among our peers, they’ve stopped calling him mysterious and started treating him like he’s some sort of otherworldly being. Rumor has it that after his girlfriend dumped him three years ago, he’s lost interest in dating anyone.
Why do I find myself falling for someone like that?
He didn’t know what was going on in my head and simply switched off the lights and air conditioning.
In the first place, the reason I fell for him is something I can’t even tell others.
It was about three years after I started working. One day in a dream, I was having sex with him.
On a bed in some hotel, I was lying on my back with my legs open. He was above me, holding my wrists down to keep me from escaping, slowly thrusting his penis inside me.
In his eyes, there was a mix of animalistic lust and tenderness for his lover.
His eyes, usually so clear and free of any lust, let out a soft sigh as he whispered in a husky voice 'It feels good.' At that moment, my body, for the first time, cried out with desire.
I am still a virgin. So, I couldn’t feel whether it felt good or not in the dream. Still, where we were connected, there was a vivid warmth and sensation.
The embarrassment and shame of having brought someone I knew into such a lewd dream became, for someone like me—who had always led a life of virtuous behavior—not something to be ashamed of, but rather a source of unexpected excitement.
I began to replay the dream in my mind over and over, comforting myself as I recalled it, and eventually, I started to desire to be violated in real life.
That's why I think of myself as a dirty woman.
Chapter length 2461 characters.
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